Learning To See Through Glasses Of Truth

Love Is The Movement tattoo 2009

I have realised (and not for the first time either) if I truly want to be happy I need to a) fall in love with myself (falling in like with myself first would probably be a good start tbh), and b) stop taking things personally.

The thing is, I have this underlying feeling I’m not good enough for anyone, or anything: smart, cool, pretty, likeable, loveable – whatever, it doesn’t matter because it’s not me. Sometimes I just feel like the out-of-place weird, gawky kid that had glasses bigger than her face and no friends.

So when anything goes wrong, or when I think somebody doesn’t like me it really gets me down. I read too much into things and can make anything seem like a personal attack.

For me, it reaffirms the negative thoughts I have about myself, stuff that shouldn’t bother me, but that keeps me up at night and stresses me out.

I care too much about what people think, and it’s time I stopped focusing on how I think other people feel about me and started focusing on how I feel about me. I need to stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on the positive, because there are lots of those. Here are five things that came to mind:

-I’m smart
-I’m pretty
-I’m weird (it’s about fucking time I stopped seeing this as a negative, my weirdness makes me who I am, and it’s about time I embraced it)
-I’m good at writing
-I’m creative

Anyway, I have decided that as part of this seemingly ongoing journey of self-love self-love I am going to start a journal documenting the things I love about myself, the compliments I get from others, as well as the things that are going right in my life. I might share some of it on my blog, not sure yet, but we’ll see.

If I star feeling down about myself I need to remember to look at the tattoo I got as a reminder that I needed to be more loving toward myself when I get down, or read the poem that Liletina wrote saying how much the fear I have about not being good enough saddens her. I need to remember that sometimes other people can see the things that I miss, and above all else I am MORE than enough.

The Complete Life’s Little Instruction Book

Via: Music Philosophy

While at looking at books at a secondhand store last week my eyes came across a book called The Complete Life’s Instruction Book, which as the title suggests is a book full of little instructions on how to live your life. As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to buy it. I just love books like this, and thought that it would be a good laugh.

I haven’t read much of the book yet, but there have been a few that have stuck out, as they’ve either made me go “what the hell?!”, or have really spoken to me and are mantras that I plan on living my life by.

What the hell:

  • Never Use Profanity (why the fuck not?!).
  • Learn three clean jokes (surely you’ve learnt three by the time you’re 10? They may be terrible, but they’re still clean).
  • Whistle (I would probably do this if I could, but I can’t – and it’s not for lack of trying).
  • Never get a tattoo (too late, and I plan on getting more).
My Life Mantras:
  • Drink champagne for no reason at all (being alive and/or with great company is reason enough for me).
  • Take lots of snapshots.
  • If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
  • Make the best of bad situations.
  • Lend only the books you don’t care to see again (this shouldn’t be limited to books).
  • Think big things, but relish is small pleasures.
  • Take time to smell the roses.
  • Never give up on what you really want to do.
  • Be suspicious of all politicians.
  • Give people a second chance, but not a third.
  • Lie on your back and watch the stars.
  • Evaluate yourself by your own standard, not someone else’s
  • Learn the rules. Then break some.
  • Life is short. Eat more pancakes and less rice wafers.
  • Live your life so that your epitaph could read “no regrets”.

Anyway, hope you’re having a great weekend xx

Making It Happen: Transformation Challenge

I posted about the ‘making it happen‘ challenge on Sunday and how I was going to give it a go to see if it would make me a happier, more positive/optimistic person who was absolutely besotted with myself by the end of October.

For some reason, out of all the self-imposed challenges I have set myself this one is the one that has gotten me really excited (perhaps it’s because it’s endorsed by Oprah…), and I wanted to share some of the I have started doing:

  • Making a toast to myself in the morning: Turns out saying something like ‘don’t worry about it, you’re going to rock this shit’ is a great way to calm the nerves if I wake up stressed about something.
  • Writing a daily gratitude list: I’ve been aiming for a least five things a day, and I figure that even if I’ve had an incredibly shitty day there is always something (no matter how little) to be grateful for (I am also hoping that by doing this I will be able to bulk up my TILT posts a bit).
  • Planning how I see my week going on Sunday and weekly resolutions/goals: This week’s resolutions are to keep calm, remember to take a proper lunch break (eating in front of the computer while sort of working is NOT a proper lunch break, I need to get out of the office!), exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, eat healthier, drink lots of water (you would be disgusted by the amount of water I drink); and be more positive.
  • Learning not to take things personally: If I go out of my way to rectify a problem I made, or to help someone and they start acting like a dick, it’s not my problem – you have no idea how liberating that is.
  • Writing the ‘I believe in‘ list: The most important things to me so far seem to be relationships (friendships and romantic), spirituality, that words have power, karma and integrity.

Anyway, that’s all I have for now, hopefully I’ll post some more stuff tomorrow.

Making It Happen: Transformation Challenge

Letting Go and Becoming The Person You Want To Be

I’ve spent a lot of time today reading articles on the Oprah website (don’t judge me), and something that really stood out for me was the ‘I’m Making It‘ challenge, which I have decided to take on. So far there are 18 weeks worth of daily activities (I haven’t read them all yet), and instead of doing the challenges day by day  I am going to try do them throughout  October (I know that I have set personal challenges before and then nothing about it, but there is something about this one. I also think it will be incredibly helpful in my mission to be happier and more loving toward myself). Anyway, here is a list of what I have so far:

  • Make a ‘make it happen‘ journal: I know that I can’t create a journal daily, but it’s important, as I will be writing my thoughts, feelings, ideas; goals and resolutions in it. I’m also going to be using this journal as my self-love bible and have renamed it ‘SELF love: Making IT happen‘.
  • Write a list of things I believe in paying close attention to themes and patterns: Don’t censor myself, pay close attention to themes and patterns and use the list as a way of working out what matters to me.
  • Make nice to myself: To me this means doing nice things for myself that make me feel good as well as making a conscious effort to be kind to myself when something goes wrong or I’m stressed.
  • Find quotes that inspire: I am going to print/write these out and post them in prominent places so I will see them all the time (in my journal, on my monitor at work, on my printer at work, basically anywhere I will be sure to see them on a regular basis – words have power!).
  • Make time to rest: This is a biggie for me, because I never rest when I’m tired or need to take a break, and I always end up getting incredibly frustrated/frazzled.
  • Make a list of what my prefect day would look like and make the effort to live it: I know that nothing is perfect and my perfect day won’t go exactly the way I plan, but I can make an effort to do at least some of the things on the list and have the best day possible (this weekend for example was up there).
  • Make a toast to myself: I’m going to do this daily as part of my morning routine while I’m getting ready for work. I’m not too sure what my toast is going to bet yet, but t it will be something along the lines of ‘you’re fucking awesome, have a great day and by the way I LOVE YOU!
  • List everything I would love to do but ‘don’t have the time’ for.
  • Make a picture of how I spend my time, then do at least one of the things from the list above: I mean if I’m going to be honest, I spent a lot time doing shit that doesn’t really matter/I don’t care about. Time to prioritise my life!
  • Spend 30 minutes organising your space: Because I have been rather down lately my room was an absolute mess, so I decided that this was one of the first things do, and I’m already feeling a lot better.
  • Make a list of ‘things I know for sure‘.
  • Make a list of things that make me smile: I did something similar to this a few years ago called ’100 things that make me happy – money aside’, and it’s probably one of the things I’m most excited about. I’ll be sure to post my list as soon as I’m done, it will be EPIC TILT!
  • Make a list of things that make me sad and work out ways to turn sadness into gladness
  • Read through more of the activities this week and post more things I am going to do this month.

Bubbly Bubbles: Love thyself, right here, right now.

Ways I can start loving myself right now:

  • Start the day off with positive self affirmations – This is a case of ‘fake it till yo make you it’, and even if I don’t believe the stuff at the beginning of the month hopefully I’ll believe it at the end! If need be print some out or write them on post-it notes and stick them all over the bathroom mirror, so I will have to look at them on a daily basis. At the very least, put them in my wallet or on my monitor at work.
  • Write a list of at least 20 things that I love about myself – pull it out and read it when I’m having a ‘I’m not good enough and no one loves me’ type of day.
  • Learn how to take a compliment and write down (and keep) the compliments I receive – God, I am such a bad compliment taker, most of the time someone says something nice I want to laugh because I don’t believe it. I also tend to forget the times people tell me how amazing, intelligent and beautiful I am because my sense of self-doubt is (a lot) stronger than my sense of self-love.
  • Know that I am good enough ALL THE TIME - if I don’t believe it read the poem @Liletina wrote me.
  • Listen to this song – ‘I’m not your average girl from your video, and I ain’t built like a supermodel, but I learned to love myself unconditionally because I am a queen’
  • Make a radical self-love bible and answer these questions – God knows I’m a sucker for a good workbook, and I’ll post the answers to the questions in about a week, so excited!

The key is that we believe that we are lovable and capable no matter what and we have an acceptance of who we truly are, defined by us, not by others.

Bubbly Bubbles: Love Thyself

I need to be kinder to myself, A LOT kinder.
The thing is, even though I deep down I know that I’m awesome, intelligent, beautiful; and have a lot to offer, most of the time I just feel like I’m not good enough and I never will be.

Anyway, as part of Operation: Bubbly Bubbles I have decided to set myself a ‘self-love challenge’, to see if being kinder to myself and changing the way I feel about/view myself will help change the way others see me/I see others. I’m going to kick this whole self love thing off by posting a poem my sister @Liletina wrote – God I love her.

From sister to sister

I look up to you in awe
Your face holds so much beauty
Is it that you do not think so?
You are a friend one would be lucky to have
Yet are you aware?

I see you through me eyes and see amazement
But I take a look through the glasses you wear
and view you differently
I see a magnificent lady
worried of bad appearance, worried of being unloved
afraid of growing old and having nothing to live for
I force the squared frames from my eyes
For what i have just seen through the frames of those glasses
I know to be untrue

You are someone I love to hug
Love to talk to
Love to hang out with
You are my friend

Kahu,
it is a skill to see who you are through glasses of truth
learn this skill

You are truly amazing
I sincerely love you

Bubbly Bubbles: Update

I have been meaning to make a proper blog post for a while, and I’ve come to the conclusion that if I don’t do it now I’m going to keep on making excuses about why I can’t do it/haven’t done it yet.

This post is an update on where I’m at with the self-imposed challenges I set  myself and hoped to document the progress of via this blog (I’m hoping this post will be a huge kick in the ass and get me motivated to again).

WRITING:

  • Post at least twice a week – I have been pretty good when posting the ‘weekly regulars’ (Things I Love Thursday, Curious Tuesday and Music Monday), but those all get kind of boring after a while. I’m thinking of starting the 30 days of me challenge that Alice is doing, as it means that I will have to post at least one a day.
  • Keep a ‘paper’ journal and write in it at least once a day – I’ve been pretty good at this, although I didn’t write in it much when I was at home sick last week.
  • Keep a notebook and jot down ideas as they come into my head- I have been using bits of scrap paper for this, which gets a bit annoying when I want to write a blog post and need to dig around my bag for the scraps. I really need to make sure I have a notebook on me at all times.
  • Write about something (anything) for 15 minutes non stop, everyday - I need to schedule a time (preferably) in the evenings for 15 minutes uninterrupted writing every day, otherwise this is not going to happen because I keep on getting distracted.
  • Stop making excuses - This is a biggie for me, but I really need to quit the whole “I’m too tired”, “I don’t know what to write!”, “I feel like crap!” type gig and just write.

Little Miss Grumpy

August was supposed to be ‘Operation: Bubbly Bubbles‘, and although I posted a couple of times during the month it pretty much fell to the wayside in a major way. I just couldn’t be bothered. First it was the two weeks of PMDD hell and then it was getting sick, all I wanted to do was runaway, hide, not update and try to be happy when I was far from it. God, reading back on that, it sounds so pathetic, what a cop-out! I am going to make sure that I stick to it this month. PMDD is guaranteed so I have decided that I am going to start taking ST Johns Wort again and suck it up.

Things I need to do/remember:

  • Smile more – ‘Smile’ would probably be a good start.
  • write a gratitude list at the end of each day – I haven’t been doing this at all. Naughty, I know.
  • Stop thinking about the worst case scenario – I do this all the time, which means I keep getting stressed out. Not good!
  • Be kinder to myself - Instead of constantly telling myself that I’m not good enough, I need to tell myself that I am more than enough. I am sure that changing the way I feel about myself will help change the way I project myself, the way others see me and the way I see others (hell, thinking about being kinder to myself has made me a lot happier).

When you become the conduit for graciousness you get stronger, truer, freer and more fiercely alive – Danielle LaPorte.