I have recently come to the realisation that I am an incredibly angry person who is most of the time (if not always) grumpy.
Some of those around me (not all, the people who really know me & the people who follow me on twitter have probably realised this already) may find it hard to believe, but it’s true. Sure I don’t fly off the handle & start ranting & raving at people or things, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to. My inner-monologue is full of things that I would LOVE to say & do, but instead of letting off some steam I keep it in & let it fester & walk around looking as if I’m going to sucker punch the next person that gets in my way.
I hate the fact that I am such a grumpy bum who lets the littlest things trigger such an aggressive response – people that stand around in the middle of a busy footpath shouldn’t make me want to either scream obscenities that would make Gordon Ramsay blush, or even worse stab them – but they do.
Deep down I would love to be upbeat & optimistic & go on about how wonderful & magical everything is but I tend to dwell on the negative, & I’m really scared that if I don’t do something about it now that I’m going to turn into a cantankerous old woman & I really don’t want that.
I have decided that I need to set myself a one month challenge, this way (hopefully) I’ll be able to see if it’s possible to be more optimistic & upbeat about things, or if I am inherently just a grumpy bitch.
So, August is going to be operation bubbly bubbles, here is what I plan to do:
- Change my thought patterns – I really need to stop focusing on the things that annoy me & start thinking about the things I love as well as the things that excite & motivate me. I also need to stop day dreaming about incredibly morbid things – right now it’s having massive fights with my boyfriend (which never happens), when I was a child they were about myself or my family dying in various accidents (fucked up? Yeah, just a bit, also not conducive for happy bubbles).
- Write a list of (at least) five things I am grateful for at the end of each day – Sometimes it’s hard as hell to think of one thing to be grateful for at the end of the day, but I am a firm believer that there is light even in the darkest of times.
- Put a smiley face at the end of all my negative tweets – it’s bloody hard to stay angry when I see a grinning smiley looking at me after tweeting about how I want to smack someone’s face in, it just makes me realise how ridiculous it is to get so pointlessly angry.
- Make happiness mixes on itunes – right now I’m really loving Sweet Mix Kids (hell I downloaded four of their mixtapes from their facebook page on Tuesday…), also Just Fine by Mary J. Blige is a really uplifting song.
- Do one random act of kindness each week – this could be something small to do for a friend or family member to let them know how much I love them & how happy I am that I have them in my life, or something for a complete stranger – just cause.
So there we go, that’s my challenge for this month. Sure some of the things on that list are going to be way easier than others, but I really want to see if any of this is going to make a difference to my general mood, & of course I’ll be updating & letting you know how I’m getting on.
If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes – Andrew Carnegie