Learning To See Through Glasses Of Truth

Love Is The Movement tattoo 2009

I have realised (and not for the first time either) if I truly want to be happy I need to a) fall in love with myself (falling in like with myself first would probably be a good start tbh), and b) stop taking things personally.

The thing is, I have this underlying feeling I’m not good enough for anyone, or anything: smart, cool, pretty, likeable, loveable – whatever, it doesn’t matter because it’s not me. Sometimes I just feel like the out-of-place weird, gawky kid that had glasses bigger than her face and no friends. 

So when anything goes wrong, or when I think somebody doesn’t like me it really gets me down. I read too much into things and can make anything seem like a personal attack.

For me, it reaffirms the negative thoughts I have about myself, stuff that shouldn’t bother me, but that keeps me up at night and stresses me out.

I care too much about what people think, and it’s time I stopped focusing on how I think other people feel about me and started focusing on how I feel about me. I need to stop focusing on the negative and start focusing on the positive, because there are lots of those. Here are five things that came to mind:

-I’m smart
-I’m pretty
-I’m weird (it’s about fucking time I stopped seeing this as a negative, my weirdness makes me who I am, and it’s about time I embraced it)
-I’m good at writing
-I’m creative

Anyway, I have decided that as part of this seemingly ongoing journey of self-love self-love I am going to start a journal documenting the things I love about myself, the compliments I get from others, as well as the things that are going right in my life. I might share some of it on my blog, not sure yet, but we’ll see.

If I star feeling down about myself I need to remember to look at the tattoo I got as a reminder that I needed to be more loving toward myself when I get down, or read the poem that Liletina wrote saying how much the fear I have about not being good enough saddens her. I need to remember that sometimes other people can see the things that I miss, and above all else I am MORE than enough.


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