But what love got to do with it when I don’t love myself?


I recently came across a blog post I wrote three years ago; it was about how I’d realised that if I wanted to be truly happy I need to love myself (liking myself at that point would have been a good starting point to be honest).

At that point in time, I was filled with so much self doubt, and it seemed like every set back reaffirmed one of the narratives I have played for as long as I can remember:”I’m not good enough” 

The past year, I’ve learnt just how bullshit that narrative is, because you know what? I am good enough; hell, I’m more than enough! I don’t know what it was that caused the shift in my thinking, but I know getting a decent, well paying where job where people told me ‘I could do it’ after being unemployed for 10 months definitely helped. It made me realise that I can do so much more than I thought I could, and that my goals and dreams are achievable.

I’m not going to lie though, sometimes I find myself slipping back into negative thought patterns, where I feel everything is going wrong and I’m not going to amount to anything. Those moments don’t linger anymore though, and I don’t feel as if I constantly have a black cloud (or black dogs) following me around everywhere I go.

Anyway, I thought I’d share a few things that have helped me remember how awesome I am:

  • Keep track of the compliments and forget the negative: This is harder said than done sometimes, but I have found that writing down compliments (I used to do this all the time when I worked at a call centre for a local bank, because holy shit do people get angry when money is involved, so whenever I had a good caller I’d write their name out and hang it off my monitor so I could remember them when I had calls that made me want to burst into tears) and printing out feel good emails people send me is a great way of remembering compliments.
  • Brush it off: I used to take it personally when someone didn’t like me, or someone would unfollow me on twitter or instagram but you know what? Who cares?! it’s not the end of the world and to be honest, not everyone is going to like me (and I’m not going to like everyone either, that was an epiphany moment).
  • Cutting myself some slack: My default when things go wrong is to beat myself up, when what I really need to do though, is be kind to myself. Sometimes, that’s as simple just “It’s all going to be okay”
  • Remembering the things that make me: I’m weird and I need to remind myself that that’s okay.

I hope some of you found this post helpful and/or encouraging., because self doubt sucks and you can do so much more than you think you can.

Title From: Real by Kendrick Lamar

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